Property of Jazz
by vericus
Summary: G1 - Sometime after the defeat of Unicron, an irritated Ultra Magnus wakes Rodimus Prime in the wee hours of the morning to deal with an apparent vandalism problem Autobot city has developed...oneshot crack fic.


**Disclaimer:** The Transformers aren't mine - I just borrow them occasionally to entertain my simple little mind.

**Author's Note: **The plot bunny attacked me and wouldn't go away, despite the fact that this was surprisingly hard to write. I had to re-write it completely three times before I was satisfied with it...But yeah. I deny that the animated movie ever happened, and thus refuse to watch the following cartoons, so Ultra Magnus and Rodimus are probably horrendously OOC. I apologize. This will, hopefully, be the only post-animated-movie plot bunny that ever attacks me, anyways.

**- Property of Jazz (And Sometimes Blaster) -**

_"Ultra Magnus to Rodimus Prime."_ the call on his internal comm line startled Rodimus out of recharge, and it took him a few moments to register what was going on...and the fact that it was about three hours before he had been intending to get up. He groaned, then activated his comm line.

_"Rodimus here."_ he replied, wondering if he might actually be able to deal with whatever Magnus had called him for without getting out of his recharge berth.

_"Could you come down to the command center please?"_ Nope. Whatever it was had Magnus in a right snit, too, Rodimus mused as he dragged himself out of his berth and headed out the door. His second-in-command had sounded distinctly stiff and stilted when he requested Rodimus' presence. Well, whatever it was, Rodimus hoped it didn't take too long to deal with.

The corridors of Autobot City were eerily quiet as Rodimus walked through them towards the command center - he supposed that might be normal for this time of early, _early_ morning. He was used to the busy corridors of the daytime, however, and found himself hurrying along inspite of the fact that he was Prime. Finally arriving at the command center after several minutes, Rodimus paused a moment to shake off the last vestiges of recharge, forcefully booting up the few systems that had been taking their own sweet time, and then stepped inside.

Magnus greeted him at the entrance, arms crossed over his chest, and, surprisingly, gave the Prime a visual once-over, almost like he was checking to make sure Rodimus was presentable. Rodimus inwardly groaned as he figured that some ambassador had called without taking into account the time difference.

"Turn around." Magnus said unexpectedly, and Rodimus frowned. He wasn't a sparkling anymore, to wander around with oil on his skidplate or something. True, he hadn't actually checked his appearance before leaving his quarters to come down here, but he had before going into recharge, and there'd been nothing wrong with it then. Plus, anyone on the vid-screens would only see his front. "Just...turn around." Magnus repeatedly tiredly, seeing Rodimus' protest forming. Rodimus' frown deepened and he did as asked. "Yeah, I thought so. They got you too."

"What? Who got me?" Rodimus asked in confusion, turning back around. In answer, Magnus turned around himself, and Rodimus immediately slapped a hand over his mouth to stop from laughing. Painted in lime green and pink across Magnus' broad back was a poem - 'ROSES ARE RED, VIOLETS ARE BLUE, THE JAZZ-MAN WAS HERE, AND BLASTER TOO!' Magnus turned back around after a moment, and Rodimus quickly removed his hand, forcing the grin from his face. Some of it remained, however, and Magnus grunted irritably.

"Laugh while you can. You aft claims it belongs to Jazz. And sometimes Blaster." he stated. The smile fell from Rodimus' faceplate for a moment, only to return full-blast. Perhaps, as Rodimus Prime, he shouldn't be finding this funny, but the part of him that was still Hot Rod found it fragging _hilarious_, especially considering how quiet and depressed Jazz and Blaster had been since Unicron was defeated.

"Well, at least they're not grieving about everybody we lost to the Decepticons and Unicron anymore." he said.

"No, instead they're laying their claim to everybody in Autobot City." Magnus said.

"Everybody?" Rodimus asked in surprise, and Magnus stepped back to reveal the night crew for the command center. Tracks and Sideswipe scowled back at Rodimus, both with new additions to their paint job. Tracks' declared, in pink, that 'BLASTER WAS HERE', while Sideswipe's announced in bold lime green that he was 'PWNED BY JAZZ'.

"Everybody." Magnus agreed. "I used the command override to check private quarters cameras - every single bot in the city has some sort of graffiti on them." Rodimus glanced at Magnus in surprise, then over to the security monitors, now showing empty hallways.

"How?" Rodimus couldn't help the small bit of admiration in his voice as he asked the question. "They would have had what, three hours? And what about the privacy locks on the doors?"

"They sweet-talked Metroplex." Tracks answered with a snarl. "The logs show Metroplex overriding the privacy locks on every single door sometime in the last three hours." Rodimus shook his head.

"I should have know - if any bots could convince Metroplex to help with something like this, it's them." he said. "So where are they now?"

"Outside." Magnus said, striding over to the security console and punching up one of the outside cameras. It showed Jazz and Blaster, along with all of Blaster's cassettes, playing basketball, grins on their faceplates as they joked to each other while playing. "I thought you might want to deal with them personally." Rodimus considered.

"Actually, I think I'm going back to finish my recharge." he said.

"What?!" Magnus sputtered.

"If your audios are malfunctioning, you should have First Aid check them out." Rodimus said with amusement.

"No, I heard you!" Magnus replied with a scowl. "I just can't understand _why_ you said what you did." Rodimus glanced back at the security screen showing the basketball game.

"This is the first time I've seen either of them smiling since before Megatron attacked." Rodimus replied softly, then turned his gaze to Magnus. "They lost more than most of us in that fight, and the one with Unicron. Millions of years in Optimus' command staff, becoming friends with their commander and fellow officers, and then losing all but each other in one brutal fight. I think, after all that, they deserve one free pass." Magnus' expression softened, and he nodded. "Besides, it isn't doing any harm to anything but egos, and they actually _signed_ their work, which means everybody knows who to prank back." Rodimus added cheerfully, then turned and headed out, giving a purposeful wiggle of his hips as he went to show off the statement painted there.

**- FINIS -**


End file.
